I’ve Been Pretty Negative

I’ve been pretty negative lately and I want that to change. The only way it will change is from within.

I went to DC and finally saw a Cardiologist who specializes in Electrophysiology. He explained the condition to me. Gave me the option to do a cardiac ablation or I can wait and see if it happens again. I chose to wait and see if it happens again. The surgery – while I’m told it is curative and people recommend it – sounds scary to me. And honestly – right at this moment is not the right time. My insurance is changing so I will need to change doctors and I have a lot going on in life and work. The option to make some lifestyle changes seems like the right one right now.

I’ve started to add healthier foods into my life again. I’m making an effort to eat less processed food and less convenience type foods. Don’t get me wrong – I’m still eating them – but I’ve added the fruit smoothie with peanut butter back into my morning routine and I have a healthy lunch – usually has mung beans and quinoa or wheat berries in it. I have fruit mid afternoon. Trying to replace sugar cravings with fruit…however, the sugar gets me later at night.

My caffeine intake is drastically reduced – even though two Cardiologists have said that isn’t what caused my SVT. They said it was good to reduce it. I feel a little less tired which is surprising to me. I think I was on a caffeine roller coaster. I tried to keep adding more to feel more awake and then I would crash – needing more and more. Some day I will do away with it altogether maybe…but for now – one very small cup of coffee a day – about 4oz is what I’m drinking. That is down from 32oz plus a day.

I’m coming up on a change in my schedule that I anticipate could create some problems for me. However, it might also allow me to exercise in the morning. So I am planning to implement an exercise routine in September. I want very badly to run the Turkey Trot this year. I see pictures of my friends and the running group getting together and I feel an emptiness. I enjoyed running – especially when it was over. I was a happier person when I was running and I felt better. The hard part is starting over – AGAIN. It is painful, unpleasant, hard, discouraging, and frustrating. I need to push through to get to the other side.

Next, I really, really, really need to add yoga, meditation, stretching, whatever into my life. This is an absolute necessity and I need to stop putting it off. I’ve been saying it for years. Now I’ve passed out at work and had my heart rate go up to 215. It is not an option for me anymore. I need to add it into my daily routine.

Strength training. Another necessity. I have let myself go especially over the last year and the last couple of months. Strength training WILL help me attack the hills when running/walking. Strength training will help me in many ways. It will combat the muscle loss of aging. I can’t ignore this anymore. I’m 50. Strength Training is also not an option – I have to do it.

Last weekend was as much a wake up call for me as were my two health incidents this summer. I have rested and thought about it long enough. It is time for action.

This morning I turned off the TV and opened the windows. I’m breathing in fresh, cool air while I write this and plan for the days and weeks ahead. I am aware of the fight within me to relax and also get things done. This is part of the process – that tug-of-war within to respond to the outside world and the demands of life. I need to silence the list of things to do and just be for a few minutes.

I know what I need to do. I’ve started the change in what I put into my body. I am getting better fuel. Now I need to add the exercise back in. If I have to do 15 cardio – 15 strength – 15 yoga/meditation then that is what I’ll do. I just need to fit it in. I have to stop thinking that if I can’t get over an hour in it isn’t worth it. I have to take the pressure off and just do what I have time for. I have to take my own advice and stop expecting more from myself than I expect from others.

I had a nice talk with someone yesterday regarding work stress and how to not take it home with me. Two books were recommended which I plan to read. One is about self care – and one is about fear.  I was told by yet another person – I need to take care of myself first – because if I am not here I can’t take care of anyone. It’s time to try to listen to that. But it’s hard.

This is my self care plan today. It might change tomorrow or next week. It will change to adapt to what life throws at me. But the commitment to making these things a part of my life again is strong.

#peaceandstrength #noregrets #forwardrevolutions

 


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