I’ve benched myself from running. It’s been a struggle for years now. I try and try. Only to get sick or have to take time off because of a health reason or responsibility. It became more of a stress beating myself up about not running. I was frustrated and mad all the time about it. It was making me unhappy. I would go out and try to run and hate myself for how fat and out of shape I have become. I was impatient with myself. So I’ve taken the pressure off and just not even tried to get out there this past week.

I was only getting in a couple days and only running a few feet at a time. It was depressing. I was sad watching my friends/running buddies run another half marathon. I lost count now. I ran two I think…and not very well either. I can’t run like I used to. And starting over for the 100th time (seems like it) is just aggravating and discouraging.

When I start out on a walk or run I focus on how far backwards I’ve gone. It doesn’t make for an enjoyable workout. So I need to switch gears.

I’m stepping away from the pressure of it. If I go out for a walk and feel like running a few feet…I will. But I have to come up with a solution that works. I’m going to continue to walk at lunch as often as I can and add strength training in at night. See how that goes. If my thinking is correct, the strength training should help me feel less slow and weak.

I am addicted to sugar bad again. Low energy. High stress. I’ve got a ton of life happening. Big changes on the horizon. Not sure how I’ll kick that.

What I need now is to be kind to myself. Adjust to the changes. And really try to make exercise something fun instead of a punishment for all the crap I eat. I binge eat at night. I wake up and eat. Sometimes I don’t remember. A subject for another day.

That’s it for today. I’m really going to try to write more. I made that commitment. Now I need to stick to it.

#noregrets #forwardrevolutions

4 thoughts on “Benched

  1. It is great that you are listening to your body and maybe taking a step back from running. Why not try something else instead, in order to get your health and fitness up before trying running again in the future. Ask your running buddies to try swimming or a Zumba class or anything that might interest you! You might all have fun and find a new form of exercise you can do together. Great honest post!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I used to run. I haven’t for a couple of years, and the last year of it was bad. In part I quit because of the weight gain from the crazy meds I was taking (never again!) but I think I “killed” my interest in it by trying too hard to quantify it. I wore a running watch that tracked my pace and distance, and when I finished, I would plug it into my computer and download the run then analyze every aspect of it. Why did I not run as well this time? What was my pace overall? Should I have gone farther? How did this run compare to the last time I ran this route? I was never “in the moment” and just running to be outside and using my body. I wasn’t even in it to pursue better fitness (including fighting my depression). I was too analytical about it, and I think that’s really what killed my interest in running.

    I ride my bike now, in part because I think it will lead me back to running, but I’m far, far less “serious” about it. I go out when the weather is good and I go as far as I care to without clocking the mileage or pace. It’s something, anyway.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I feel the same. I analyze it all. If I don’t have my watch I feel it’s a waste. I get way too caught up in that. I tried. I gave it my best. I will run when the mood strikes. Nothing quite like it though for battling the depression. No other exercise seems to help as much. I always found riding a bike easier. Probably because as soon as I was old enough to ride around town I was gone all day riding my bike. Back then we didn’t have gears. So it was all me up those hills. It is much easier for me than running. Harder though to get out. A bike costs money. And the cars scare me. But…those are just excuses. Thanks for the comment. Good to hear there are others who have a similar experience.


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