I’ve benched myself from running. It’s been a struggle for years now. I try and try. Only to get sick or have to take time off because of a health reason or responsibility. It became more of a stress beating myself up about not running. I was frustrated and mad all the time about it. It was making me unhappy. I would go out and try to run and hate myself for how fat and out of shape I have become. I was impatient with myself. So I’ve taken the pressure off and just not even tried to get out there this past week.
I was only getting in a couple days and only running a few feet at a time. It was depressing. I was sad watching my friends/running buddies run another half marathon. I lost count now. I ran two I think…and not very well either. I can’t run like I used to. And starting over for the 100th time (seems like it) is just aggravating and discouraging.
When I start out on a walk or run I focus on how far backwards I’ve gone. It doesn’t make for an enjoyable workout. So I need to switch gears.
I’m stepping away from the pressure of it. If I go out for a walk and feel like running a few feet…I will. But I have to come up with a solution that works. I’m going to continue to walk at lunch as often as I can and add strength training in at night. See how that goes. If my thinking is correct, the strength training should help me feel less slow and weak.
I am addicted to sugar bad again. Low energy. High stress. I’ve got a ton of life happening. Big changes on the horizon. Not sure how I’ll kick that.
What I need now is to be kind to myself. Adjust to the changes. And really try to make exercise something fun instead of a punishment for all the crap I eat. I binge eat at night. I wake up and eat. Sometimes I don’t remember. A subject for another day.
That’s it for today. I’m really going to try to write more. I made that commitment. Now I need to stick to it.